How to Become the Kind of Person Tomorrow’s Going to Need

Hi. How’s everyone? Welcome back old friends, welcome new ones, and here’s little Snowy grinning up at you. Apologies for the radio silence, even my brain's been a little fried with all the dystopia lately. A quick update, we're going to launch an online system to book sessions with me shortly, and those of you who already have the link, please let me know if you have any problems or issues.

Today we’re going to continue discussing…what happens next…how to orient yourself…and what many of you are going to need to do now.

I want you today to accept a responsibility with me. I am trying to prepare you. If you do, the rewards, as this phase of turmoil deepens in the world, will be great.

We began talking about it a little bit last time. This time, let’s formalize it as a principle. Being the Adult in the Room.

Take a moment to consider accepting this responsibility with me. This is in many ways the purpose of your life right now. All the strife in it. I promise that it will be worth it. Let me gently explain.

By now, I won’t bore you with the details of what’s going to happen next in the world. The contours look like this.

After everything gets trashed, and our systems crash and burn, and I mean all our systems, then there will be a desperate search for…

The World and the Missing Adults in the Room

This is what we began to discuss last time. But this time, let’s give it a little more meat on the bones.

Right now, there are no adults in the room. 

Maybe no is too strong, but certainly almost none.

Not in politics, not in business, not in finance, not in culture, they are nowhere.

And that is already yielding disastrous results. How many people are waking up right now and realizing they just made a very, very poor choice when it comes to leaders? With a sinking feeling in their stomachs?

Because there are no Adults in the Room, the next time period is going to look like this. Our economies will go into shock. Labor, job, product, capital, financial markets will all freeze, and there will be periods of free-fall. Unemployment will grow even more endemic, as economies are unable to create enough jobs. Families will be torn apart. Social bonds will sunder. People will become desperate, and then suicidal. "Deaths of despair” will probably rip through our societies, in a growing wave (they already have been, by the way.)

Now. That’s personal, so let me make it institutional. A lot of companies these days don’t have Adults in the Room. They’re already feeling the effects. What did we do wrong? How did we get here? What do we do now? Starbucks, Nike, McDonald’s—I cite these three because they’re yesterdays’ “iconic brands,” to use a formal term, as are luxury’s mainstays. All are in serious trouble. Because the Adults in the Room are missing, and these companies and many more are being terrible mismanaged.

That’s a brief picture of the next time period, but it’s also an incomplete one.

Because what happens after this? Is that there’s a desperate, urgent, widespread search for Adults in the Room. In every corner of the globe, every industry, every field, every domain. Everywhere, suddenly, almost volcanically. Adults in the Room will be the job title, you like, that’s in greatest demand in the very near future, and no organization or system will be able to find nearly enough. The emotionally juvenile hyper-manias and frenzies of now will all fade, very very fast. As we search for stability and purpose and and vision again.

As we search for maturity.

Every system and institution on earth is going to ask: My God. Where do we find people who can help us fix this mess? Who can orient and lead us? Who can get us through this? We need all of them, right now, that we can get. And we need to learn what those people already have that the rest don’t.

Where are all the Adults in the Room?

This is a brief portrait of the future. It belongs to the Adults in the Room. The age of infantile narcissism by way of man-baby tantrums and egomania that’d put the sun king to shame is now going to begin to come to a dramatic, implosive close. And as it does, there will be a cry of pain for Adults in the Room, more or less everywhere, from everyone.

So then…shouldn’t you already be positioning and developing yourself as one? But how do you do that? 

How Existential Crisis Will Change People and Institutions

Let me shade that in a little.

Did you see what just happened in Canada? Thanks to Trump (LOL) threatening to take it over, the liberals’ fortunes have suddenly turned around. But in a different way. Canadians are letting go of their fondness for their own mini-Trumps. And they’re turning to figures like Mark Carney. If you don’t know Mark, he’s the former governor of the Bank of England, a seasoned figure who’s played at the highest levels globally, and understands how things work.

In other words, he’s a quintessential Adult in the Room.

I’m not saying that you have to be him, but I am suggesting you observe the pattern. Suddenly, Canadians understood that they needed Adults in the Room. That juvenile mini-Trumps who love starting fights online…weren’t going to fix these problems. But only make them worse.

See the pattern? It’s crucial, and I mean absolutely so, that you discern it.

The question is how much punishment is enough. Not every system will have this wake-up call. It’s true that some won’t. Canada can be met with Britain’s counter-example. Brits are now broken people. Something is wrong in them. They take endless punishment, and still aren’t looking for Adults in the Room.

So that’s a spectrum. Canada’s learning before it gets punished. Britain seems as if it can’t learn anything now.

Most systems will fall somewhere in the middle.

Let’s take corporate systems, corporations. Nike, Starbucks, McDonald’s, luxury, beauty, fashion. The wiser players are going to figure out that they need Adults in the Room after a little bit more punishment. Maybe another year or two of bad results, of a lack of guidance, of failing to grapple with how much the future has changed, and people have too. 

By then, my guess is that many of these larger players will be desperately searching for Adults in the Room. Because the game of musical chairs they’re playing right now—this CEO becomes that one—isn’t working.

See the pattern again? 

How much punishment systems are going to take before they demand Adults in the Room is going to vary. Let’s come back to America. As the economy falls apart—Ford’s CEO just warned that the latest round of tariffs is going to decimate his industry, and make him lay thousands off—people are going to start to get very angry. Because of course they elected Trump to fix the economy. 

And at some point, my guess is that they are going to bitterly, urgently, desperately demand Adults in the Room.

Now, at that point, many of them will have lost a very great deal, something close to everything. Jobs, careers, savings, homes, futures. Maybe that’s how much punishment it’ll take in a society like America. Certainly, it’s going to have to be a fair degree, at this point, because it’s already baked into the future.

Megafailure Will Create an Explosive Demand for Adults in the Room

Now let me make that pattern above clear.

The failure of our systems will create a demand for adults in the room. Even if that failure’s the very result of people’s own poor choices. That’s OK. It’s how history goes. People have to learn the hard way, in times like these.

What is certain is that after this time period ends, this age of turmoil and strife, there will be an urgent and desperate call for Adults in the Room. By people. By voters. By shareholders. By people in every aspect of their lives. Which are currently falling apart.

Those who understand the pattern hold the key to Not Sinking With the Ship.

That is because I am trying to teach you something crucial to your future, whatever field you are in, however your life works.

I am trying to help you understand that you must begin positioning yourself as the Adult in the Room. Right now.

The sooner you do this, the better your chances of emerging from this time period intact are, or even better, healthier and more prosperous than when you went in.

The outcry for adults in the room will be a) worldwide b) it will cut across institutions c) it will reach across divisions d) it will be deeply felt and painfully meant. What I mean by that is that it will be a unifying macro trend of the time period after this one. Whether in politics, corporate life, business, commerce, the arts, culture, there will be a sustained, prolonged, almost devastating cry of pain for Adults in the Room.

If you are already seen as one, because you are one, do you understand how much better off you will be? The demand for you, in every area and arena, will be insatiable, precisely because right now there is a mismatch. There are no Adults in the Room. People don’t know that’s what they really want, when they ask for things like a better economy, or better jobs, or so on. As and when they pay the price, and begin to learn what happens when there aren’t Adults in the Room, they are going to demand them more than ever before, in catastrophe and despair.

So take a second with all this. Understand it. Really understand it. Don’t play games with it, don’t overintellectualize it. Feel it and sense it. Feel the immense pain of millions paying the price for their own foolish choices, and what it will do to them. This isn’t abstraction. This is real. If you cannot make it even that far, how will you ever become an Adult in the Room?

When the Demand for Adults in the Room Will Explode

I’m not saying all this is going to happen tomorrow. 

I said: the time period after this one. So how long does this one, this age of collapse, last?

Time is now operating at different speeds in different places, at least in the cognitive and institutional sense. So Canada, for example, is demanding Adults in the Room right now. Most others aren’t, yet, whether it’s societies, or corporations. 

This time period will last another 2-5 years, on average. “On average” means that after there has been enough punishment, then the epiphany for Adults in the Room will take place. That will vary from system to system. Some systems will never have it, which is where, for example, Britain appears to be, or maybe a company like Nike appears to be heading, along with many in Silicon Valley. That’s OK, too—this wheel of life and death is part of institutional being too, and no organization lasts forever.

But for many, I suspect even most, after 2-5 years, there will be a sudden and urgent explosion in demand for Adults in the Room. Imagine America in a couple of years, when tariffs have wrecked the economy, and companies like Ford have laid off thousands, but meanwhile, the job market’s gone into shock, and new jobs aren’t being created. Americans may be many things, but an economy getting even worse than this one? I think people will be incandescent with rage. 

That is because they will have learned the hard way.

So. Think of this time period as 2-5 years. In which, yes, things will get very bad.

But. In this “very bad,” there is a responsibility there, and a reward, too, that you can accept. And that the wise will.

Let me now put that in context.

“How Much More of This Can I Take?”

A lot of people these days are wondering: “How much more of this can I take?” 

Which is a way of asking: “Why is this happening to me?”

Everything happens for a reason. Everything. A younger me would have laughed at that, until I met my beloved wife by…spending years…at death’s edge. She was the one who diagnosed me with the rare condition I have, where the light can kill me, which all the doctors had never figured out…and she did that on our first date.

Now. Why is all this happening to you?

The reason is very simple. Now you are being challenged, called, and compelled, to become one of the Adults in the Room.

If you can rise to this challenge, then as this time period ends, you will be where most people aren’t. You will be in demand, you will be seen as wise and thoughtful, you will lead institutions, people will flock to you. You will reap all these rewards. 

But only if you accept this challenge.

What do you think the world will think of all the malign figures who are wrecking its systems after another 2-5 years? When economies plunge into depression, and societies convulse with shock? History isn’t going to remember them well, and people will curse their names.

But the opposite is true, too. Nobody much could have predicted that a sober, quiet, plain-spoken figure like Mark Carney would have been inspirational and unifying…until suddenly Canada was threatened with an almost unbelievable existential threat. Then, things changed, and changed fast. See the pattern clearly.

So the purpose of this turmoil and strife in your life…let me rewind. The strife and turmoil you are going through right now have a purpose. There is a reason in them.

You can lie to your friends and your family, but you don’t have to lie to me. The second someone tells me “Hey, I’m doing great, and things are excellent,” I smile at them, but in a sad way, because I know they’re lying to me, and I’m one of the few people who can help them, without judgment, without blame, with shame, guilt, fear. That makes me sad, for them. But I understand why, in tough times, forcing yourself to wear a rictus smile is something that feels more necessary than ever. If you crack that dam with just a fissure…you might just break.

You don’t have to lie to me. I will never lie to you. I know—I know—that you are feeling strife and turmoil these days. I can sense it in everyone I speak to, without them saying a word. So I know that everyone who tells me they aren’t doesn’t have the courage, strength, confidence, to be authentic with me, and I feel sad for them, for feeling that terrible. But don’t make that mistake. Don’t be dishonest about it, because if you are, you can never accept this responsibility.

This strife and turmoil have a purpose. 

For you to become an Adult in the Room.

Understand that deeply, because it is as deep as it goes and gets. Sit with it. Reflect on it. Until you begin to really feel it. Here is why.

The Purpose of All This Strife, or Becoming the Adult in the Room

So far, I’ve talked about this idea without being precise about what it means, though we touched on it last time. Then, I said that adulthood consisted of qualities like patience, managing complexity, handling ambiguity, being a loving parent, taking care of what’s most necessary first, creating meaning, and so on.

But this time, I want you to understand it in a different way. Those are static qualities, and now I want you to understand it in a dynamic way.

This strife and turmoil have a reason and a purpose.

They are there to develop in you the qualities that tomorrow’s Adults in the Room will need to have. And without this strife and turmoil, none of us can really develop those qualities. They don’t just magically appear, after all.

Think of this time as a crucible. It is a fallow period in many lives, most think, where they’re unable to move forward. But if you accept the responsibility I am outlining for you, then you will understand it in a very different way: slowly, patiently, carefully, you are sowing the seeds of your next harvest.

In times like these, what do strife and turmoil do to us?

They weather us. Don’t they? I’m not the same person I was two years ago. Are you? I am much tougher now. I am more capable of excising people, situations, things, relationships, from my life, that serve no purpose. But this is precisely what tomorrow’s Adults in the Room will need to do with broken systems.

I’m also much more caring. I take people under my wing now, almost without thinking about it. Snowy makes friends so easily, especially with young people. We begin to talk, and before I know it, I have young people I’m mentoring in many different ways. I find a great deal of happiness from this, and I’m not saying “go mentor kids!,” that’s not my point at all—rather, it’s that the strife and turmoil of the last few years have made me caring in a much more thoughtful and effortless and natural and deep way.

Times like these season us. They turn us gray. They put the lines on our faces  The wrinkles under our eyes. Now we are coming face to face with the human condition. With the tragedy and finitude of it. We learn precisely because our powers are so limited, how much more it matters to spend every second with, in, for, meaning, kindness, courage, grace, truth.

We begin to understand, as we are weathered, as the seasons weather us, what true strength us. How deep are our roots? It isn’t the bark that shields the sap from the hurricane. The hurricane must come, and lash every tree with wind and rain. We begin to grasp that the truest forms of strength are not brittle and evanescent ones, but deep and enduring ones, which are always in us, and that is how we don’t break. And every time that we don’t break, we grow stronger in these ways, in the understanding of who we are, why we are here, and what purpose we serve.

Now let me put that in more formal, less poetic terms. Times like these weather and season us, and by doing so, they bring forth a set of qualities that are the hallmarks of true maturity in the human being. Love, courage, transcendence, meaning, purpose, grace. An appreciation for every moment, in the jaws of death and dust. The littleness of human hands, and how much more important it is that they learn to build, hold, and touch, not just beat, rage, and shake.

Only adversity brings forth all this in us. And only adversity like this—times when everything goes wrong at once—brings forth all this in us at such a high degree.

The human being’s highest powers of all are born in this crucible. That is why, for example, it was only after World War II that we produced such great minds, breakthroughs, ideas, from existentialism to the polio vaccine to the idea of meaning itself, and so on. I’m not making some kind of naive equivalence, but I am pointing out a relationship between suffering and meaning and purpose.

This is the point of now. This higher level of human possibility, the fullest maturity, which is what will be in intense, insatiable demand, very, very shortly. It is always in you, but now there is a responsibility that you can accept, or not, to really develop it.

Accepting the Responsibility, or Letting This Season Weather You

Recently I said: the point of your life right now is to change it.

Now I hope that you understand better just how. 

Do not think of these times as a thing you must simply endure. A nothing, an absence, a waste. Understand it better. As a crucible. As an oven firing clay. As soil in which seeds are sown. As a hurricane which spreads the seeds. Think of it in all these, more sophisticated, more mature ways.

So that you accept this responsibility. That is the wiser choice. Become the Adult in the Room now, so that tomorrow, you are positioned in the most sophisticated and powerful way of all. 

I am not giving you this responsibility.

Time is. History is. The human condition is. I am just pointing out to you what will be pragmatic, and very much to your advantage. Understand the purpose of strife and turmoil is to weather and season you, and you will become one of the Adults in the Room. The world will hunger for your wisdom, advice, insight, story, opinion, skills, talents.

But to do that, you must accept it as such. You must really be patient, and let it season and weather you. You must understand that in every failure you have right now, every day of waiting, every week of panic and despair, you are growing and maturing in ways that are remarkable and special, but the more that you do so, the faster it happens. Your capacity for courage, strength, orienting others, guiding them, leading them, tending to them, shoring up systems, creating purpose, igniting meaning—all of these are beginning to expand in dramatic ways, that you are still not conscious of.

So let me make you conscious of how you are growing. If I asked you right now, what should any of the institutions or systems we’ve discussed in this essay, and we’ve discussed many, do right now, to fix themselves, not to crash and burn, you’d have some pretty clear and some strong ideas. That is you being weathered and seasoned. That is you becoming clearer in purpose, orientation, direction. That is you growing stronger in the deepest ways, of wisdom, courage, truth. That is you understanding how to create purpose and meaning.

It might not feel like much, but could you have done it before? All this turmoil and strife? My guess is: probably not.

So understand the reason in all this turmoil and strife. Those who accept the responsibility it creates will emerge as tomorrow’s Adults in the Room. With the qualities a broken world will so desperately need. Patience, deep inner strength, piercing wisdom, absolute mental clarity, effortlessly being able to orient and guide, the ability to create meaning and purpose. 

Everyone, and I mean everyone. will need figures like that.

The question before you now is: will you become one? Let this season weather you deeply, my friend. Let it line your face and gray your hair and sit heavy upon your fragile bones. That is its purpose. To give you a higher level of yours.

Lots of love,

Umair (and Snowy!)